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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25943713">Scared To Be Me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Epic_Fangirlness/pseuds/Epic_Fangirlness'>Epic_Fangirlness</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Coming Out, Gender Identity, Gender Issues, Genderqueer Character, Other, Questioning, Trans Character, Transgender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 06:41:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,131</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25943713</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Epic_Fangirlness/pseuds/Epic_Fangirlness</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jasper has a secret that Alice already knows, one day he finds the motivation to tell her.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alice Cullen/Jasper Hale, Edward Cullen/Bella Swan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>43</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Scared To Be Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I don't really know how Jasper identifies in this so in the fic I use Male pronouns for him. After this takes place I imagine Jasper eventually switches to gender neutral pronouns.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Truth be told Alice didn't think much of it over the years, it was just something she knew about in the periphery of her brain. Jasper thought she didn't know and that was how he wanted it so she pretended she either never noticed how his eyes would glaze over when they shopped together and he saw dresses and skirts of every kind. Or she would occasionally have visions of Jasper returning later to the store and buying what had struck him then carefully hiding it in the back of his closet. Of course, he hid this part of himself away, tucked neatly behind suits and jeans and all the other masculine items lovingly purchased by his wife, only to be taken out and nervously worn in secret while the other went to hunt. Alice, early in their relationship, had once considered confronting Jasper about his choice of clothing but after consulting her visions she came to the conclusion that Jasper would be too ashamed to carry on the conversation and would leave her for several months, no matter what she said or how supportive she was it always came back to that. And she couldn't do that, not to him and not to herself, so she let him carry on living this half secret life. She was fairly certain that Edward was aware of it as well but he was adept at keeping people's thoughts and secrets to himself.</p><p>     Alice couldn't say she was surprised however, when she discovered that Bella would be the one to change the status quo.</p><p>     Alice and Jasper sat on the couch in the living room watching a movie when Bella and Edward came to sit with them. Alice smiled and patted the spot right next to her for Bella, when she sat down Alice draped a pale arm across the human girl's shoulders and Bella relaxed into her future sister-in-law's side. Edward gently leaned into Bella wanting to be touching but not crushing her, putting his arm on the back of the couch behind her. The only person who was uncomfortable was Jasper, not because of the sweet smell of Bella sitting so close to him but Edward seemed to be wearing...makeup? His eyes were framed by long lashes and winged liner, his lids dusted with a bright pink, his cheeks had blush brushed gracefully on, and his lips had the faintest shine to them. Jasper had never seen a man wearing makeup before and he was rooted in place by his shock. Edward plucked the confusion from Jasper's mind and gave him a wry smile. </p><p>     "Bella wanted to practice the makeup look she would do for the senior prom, Alice told her if it looked good enough she could do it herself and Alice wouldn't give her an all day makeover." Edward's smile widened as Bella looked up at him, assessing once again her work.</p><p>     "And I think that it looks better on you than it would look on me." She mumbled, blushing but leaned up for a kiss.</p><p>     "Doubtful, but I do look very nice thanks you, Love." Edward laughed to himself and gave Bella another kiss.</p><p>     Jasper got up stiffly and excused himself from the house, his head spinning with the idea of Edward so casually talking about wearing makeup, being womanly. Jasper craved that ease, humiliation bubbled up inside of him, he felt wrong. He wanted the dresses, the lipstick, the heels. He wanted gentle curves and long hair and most of all he wanted his mate to know, to him and love him how he wanted to be and not just the man she knew him as.</p><p>     Alice had followed himself as he darted away from the house, knowing that this was the time he would tell her everything. About 6 miles out Jasper stopped running as abruptly as he started and Alice paused a few feet from him.</p><p>     "Hey." She smiled kindly, her eyes warm and lovely and Jasper's heart twisted in hid chest. He had to tell her, and he didn't know what she would say. He feared the worst, Alice being disgusted by him, tell him he is not the man she thought he was, leaving him. He knew that Alice loved him and he was being ridiculous but if he were human he was positive he would have had a heart attack by now.</p><p>     "Hi." Jasper gave a meek smile in return. "I have something to tell you." He said.</p><p>     "Okay. You can tell me anything, baby." Alice walked closer and grabbed his hand in hers, she brought it to her lips and held it there, waiting for him to continue though she already knew exactly what he would say.</p><p>     "I have been, keeping something from you, from everyone actually. For years now I haven't been able to face this part of myself and I've hidden, but I'm so tired of hiding. When I look at you and Rose and Esme and hell even Bella...I'm jealous. When I'm alone I wear women's clothing and I put on lipstick and I pretend, I pretend that for a little while I'm not a freak, I pretend that I'm a woman. So I'm sorry, for lying and for not being what you want, what you need." By the end of his confession he was shaking with unreleased sobs, his eyes wet with tears that he can't shed.</p><p>     Alice gathered him in her arms and held him in a fierce embrace. He reciprocated the hug and for some time they just stood there holding each other. Jasper with his powers felt everything Alice hadn't said yet, acceptance, love, safety and he let out a shaky breath.</p><p>     "Are you alright, my love?" Alice whispered into his neck. He just nodded, afraid of what his voice would do if he attempted to speak again.</p><p>     "Good. Now let me tell you this Jasper, you are everything I could ever want or need. I have never loved someone as deeply and purely as I love you. I have known about the dresses since before we met, it has never made me think less of you. I would have told you decades ago but in my visions it never went well. You are my everything, and there is nothing wrong with you. How ever you decide to dress or present yourself I will never stop loving you."</p><p>     And Jasper knew then that he would be okay. He wasn't scared anymore, he was excited to live a life he never imagined that he would be allowed.</p><p>     "I really like the satin green one. It looks beautiful with your hair, I could find the best pair of silver heels in Seattle this weekend if you want to join me." She offered. </p><p>     Jasper nodded again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I wrote this in like an hour so if there are typos please let me know.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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